I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
