if i can run in heels then i can drive
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
