I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
MIDGETS
????
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
