Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
