remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
BRING THE BAGELS
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
