I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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