I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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