yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
