We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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