I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
