I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm at about main and main street
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
