all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
