There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
ugly people sure do ruin things
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
