there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
