im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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