I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
