The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
