Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
