Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
