My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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