OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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