my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
a search helicopter?!
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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