A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
