Can Purell be used as lube?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
