you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
