The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
