Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
