i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
