dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I will pee on everything he values.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
