Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
