not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
