so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
