Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
