ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
