im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
