I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
