he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
