I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
