Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
