he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
