she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
P.S. I can't hear my feet
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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