i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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