Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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