remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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