worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You are a genius and a whore.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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