Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
