you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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