she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
