Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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