I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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